CARTER PAUL | Eleven Months

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

48 out of 52. He's four weeks away from being one and it went by way too fast. He is the sweetest little mama's boy and I'm still so thankful each day that I have a son.

Weight: 21.1lbs
Height: 29 inches

Food | He is pretty much eating whatever we do! I've noticed he loves potato soup, it's his sister's favorite too! He has lost all interest in green beans. Still loves to snack on cheerios and baby cereal bars. We started him on whole milk the beginning of the month about 4oz, twice during the day and then he still nurses twice in the evening usually. He loves italian ice popsicles, he's eaten one every day this summer, plus I think it helps with his incoming teeth!

Sleep | He is still an excellent sleeper! Sleeps 11-12 hours each night in his crib. He was going down really easily in the evenings, like I would just lay him down and he would fall asleep. Now, he's been in a mood where he wants to lay in our bed and nurse, and then make us laugh for about 10 minutes or so by being super cute and then I usually take him to his bed and he'll fall right asleep. He's seriously the best.

Size | Still size 4 diapers, 12 month pants, 2T shirts, 5C shoes. Can't wait for fall!

Firsts | Top left middle tooth - 07/21/2016
               Whole milk

The Fun Stuff | He is getting really close to walking, he's so fast at crawling and loves to hang on to the couches and coffee table to walk around the living room. He loves to be in the bathroom *eyeroll* so we always have to make sure the doors are shut so he won't play in the toilet. He loves open his door as soon as he wakes up, he will reach from his crib and fling it open and just stand there at the corner looking out in the hall for someone to come get him out! He is getting more and more brave around his sister, not nearly as jumpy as he used to be. He still gets a little anxious when she screams, but for the most part, he can't live with her, can't live without her.

THE MAMA | to the man that never gave up

Thursday, August 11, 2016

As our wedding day quickly approaches I have been thinking more and more about the men in my life. My husband, who is my rock and the leader of our family. My Dad, who I saw every other weekend growing up and a month in the summer, and occasionally as an adult. My stepdad, Jason, who has been there since I was eight years old. 

I read an article that was shared on facebook, "To The Mother Who Forgot To Make Her Daughter A Priority", now this doesn't have anything to do with my mother, but this short paragraph did stand out to me, and reminded me of my dad.

"You tried to come back into my life when things happened that required me to be a stronger person and they fit back into the mold you expected me to take. Back in the day I would have fallen for your tricks and your guilt trip and let you back in but not this time. It didn’t and it won’t work, because you can’t rebuild a bridge once it’s been burned to the ground.
I will continue to place myself as a priority and not to be used as convenience by someone who should never have made me feel that way in the first place. You were supposed to be my best friend, my constant support system and you failed me."

Now for people that know me, they know I am a bit of a doormat. Not purposely, I just have never liked conflict or arguing with people, so I never really stand up for myself when I should. Well, Justin has shown me that I deserve to have what I want, and say things I feel, and so for the past few years I have slowly started standing up for myself. Let me just also note, that I have never been one to disrespect my parents, all of them, but there comes a time when I felt like I was old enough to make my own decisions and fight for what I wanted. Obviously there are things I did and things I said that I wish I would've gone about differently, but ultimately those moments were a pivotal peice of the puzzle that has made me the wife/mom/person I am today.

I made a decision December of 2014, to stand up for myself and in return it meant cutting all ties with those very close to my Dad. I didn't expect him to choose me over those people, but a little part of me hoped that he would cherish our relationship equally. That didn't happen. I have seen my Dad twice since then. September 2015, when Carter was born, he stopped by for about 10 minutes on a work break, to meet him and December 2015 when him, my grandparents and my aunt went to dinner for the holidays. 

I tried endlessly to make our relationship work, since he has already lost contact with my brother over the past 12 years, because of said family members. I just knew that if he lost me too, that he might be really devastated. However, to my surprise, I finally stood up and said "I am your daughter, I deserve to be treated with respect." I finally was heard. I finally felt like I had said what I wanted to say for 10 years. Choose me. For once, choose me. But he didn't. He never made me or my brother a priority.

All of that to realize, I had put someone on the back burner for 15 years who was choosing me everyday, even when I wasn't choosing him. He never gave up on having a relationship with me. He was there. For all of my childhood memories, I remember him being there. Some good, some bad, but he was always there. I am so thankful that despite the tough skies, that he has remained steadfast in wanting to be my dad, and wanting me to be his daughter. I am so thankful for the forgiveness he showed me, and the peace that I made to forgive him. He truly is the definition of Dad, in every way and I can't wait to have him walk me down the aisle. So thank you Jason, for never giving up on us.

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